9th December 2024
Last week, the BBC podcast “Life Changing” featured Dr Sian Williams talking with Paul Mason about how his life was turned upside down when his wife unexpectedly died ten days after the birth of their triplets. Paul tells Sian both the joyful and harrowing life-changing events when the children were born, and how the family discovered the extraordinary generosity of strangers.
Paul is keen for his story to be told – and wants to raise awareness of the importance of health visiting. He describes how much he valued his health visitor’s support and credits her as the “architect of his uplifting solution”.
Paul says:
“No amount of helpful or well-intentioned advice from friends and family can prepare you for the moment that you have to care for another life. There are many, many times when you have new experiences that feel terrifying because you feel the weight of responsibility. The thing that makes the difference is being able to call a friend who is also a professional who has done this many times before. That friend is a health visitor. And it’s not an exaggeration to say they can make the difference between ‘very stressful’, and ‘calm confidence’. Had it not been for my health visitor, I honestly think my life and the outlook for my children would have been completely different to the life they now can look forward to. “
Our CEO, Alison Morton, was Paul’s health visitor twelve years ago when Sarah, Lucas and Mattias were born.
Responding to the podcast, Alison said:
“It came as a total surprise to me to get a text from Paul with a photo of him and his wonderful triplets leaving the BBC studio last week. Being Paul’s health visitor twelve years ago was a huge honour and a privilege – I have worked with thousands of families during my career, yet there are some families that you never forget as they make such a profound and lasting impact on you.
“Like most parents, Paul and Isabel had hopes and dreams for their future as parents – but their life’s plans were changed in an instant. I can vividly remember the day that I met Paul and his family in the neonatal unit at Winchester hospital after Isabel died. The title of the podcast captures that moment well. Paul had ‘everything and nothing’ – immense joy at the birth of his triplets and devastation at the loss of his wife and soulmate. There are no words that you can say to make it feel better.
“As his health visitor, I had contacted Children’s Social Care before my visit to see what they could do to support Paul. Sadly – but not unsurprisingly – Paul did not qualify for ‘Early Help’ as his needs did not reach the threshold! The short answer was, ‘nothing’!
“Paul is a brilliant and motivated father – but it was clear to me that no one could last more than three days without sleep, taking on the sole caring role for three very tiny babies, with no family support nearby. In the neonatal unit, his family were keen to find a solution. And all I could say to Paul was, ‘I don’t know the answer, but I know that there is one – and I promise that I will stand with you until we find it, together’.
“Navigating life’s storms can be challenging – ‘off the peg’ parenting programmes and ‘one-size-fits-all’ solutions may work for some people, some of the time, but there are many occasions when they won’t. Health visitors are Specialist Community Public Health Nurses who provide support for the whole family – although much of our work is invisible to the outside world, hidden behind front doors. Whilst Paul’s story is extreme, it highlights the importance of having a robust health visiting service that can provide and coordinate personalised support for families. A professional to walk alongside you, understand your individual situation and your needs, find solutions together, and give you hope that ‘you can do it’.
“Health visitors do not work in isolation. Paul’s story epitomizes the proverb ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ and the power of collaborative working. The response from local and national charities and organisations was astounding. However, the ‘hero’ in the story will always be Paul – his dedication and love for his children has been his anchor and compass throughout the last twelve years. I felt quite emotional listening to Paul telling his story, and to hear Sarah, Lucas, and Mattias join him at the end. What a wonderful, kind and devoted dad he is. Thank you for the ‘shout out’ Paul and your kind words for me. It meant such a lot to me to hear you on the radio.”
If you want to learn more about the role of the health visitor, watch our short film: Health visiting in your community.
You can also watch a short film on health visiting produced by HRH The Princess of Wales, as part of her ‘Shaping Us’ programme, following her time spent with health visitors here.
